morbane: pohutukawa blossom and leaves (Default)
It is a lazy-ish Wednesday morning at home, because, this year, I have been added to the people in my team at work who will be occasionally rostered on to mid-week 2pm-10pm shifts. I am enjoying this very much. I am not much of a morning person. These night shifts are also very handy for doing errands in town or scheduling dentist/optometrist/vet check-ups.

Of course, in 15 minutes, Joel and I are off to see another house. By my count, this is house #41, because I can recall 40 other separate addresses we have visited, but I may have missed some. It's getting a bit tiring, and house prices continue to rise. I'm hopeful about this house, which looks beautiful and offers stunning views, but I'm not looking forward to the feelings immediately following, of high-energy hope and effort (study its documentation, order more documentation, research, talk to people) balanced against the need to always be willing to walk away.

On a fandom front, I am behind with Yuletide things, but have a plan for some of them. I have two beta jobs in my queue, one half-done. I have my assignment for Once Upon a Fic, which I am mulling over. Yes, I caved and signed up for that even though I had resolved not to sign up for anything in Feb/March. I had a lot of fun last year and I expect this year will be the same - the trick will be balancing that and Jukebox. And lurking around the edges of Night on Fic Mountain, of course!

Jukebox - I urgently need to revise the FAQ so that I can get the brainstorming post up this weekend. I am so looking forward to this! I love this exchange.

I'm almost current with Agent Carter - just the last episode to watch. I've had mixed feelings about it. Plenty of action, interesting hi-jinks, interesting character arcs - but ugh to the love triangle plots.

What I am in love with is Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. Described as a "dark feminist comedy musical" show, it lives up to all of these. I am rooting for everyone, despite their goals being incompatible; I love every messy, flawed person on this show. It is full of sharp, yet compassionate wit.

I hate watching things in which the characters frequently embarrass themselves, including in professional situations, and yet I will watch this show, because it keeps earning and keeping my trust. Everyone gets called on their behaviour. There are no scenes where something apparently "funny" happens and I think, yeah, but in real life that would be awful - because the characters all around our heroes react with appropriate wariness, or discomfort, or other signals that this is not okay.

Well, with some leeway for the musical numbers.


I didn't quite finish typing this before we had to go see the house. It is a good house! It is smallish, but I like its use of space (neither relentlessly open plan so that everyone in the house knows what everyone else is doing at every moment, nor a claustrophobic array of unnecessary turns and narrow corridors). It has A++ views, excellent proximity to public transport, and nice, practical, kitchen and bathroom arrangements. Now for all the next steps: asking my lawyer to check the title, commissioning a builder's report, reading through the builder's report commissioned by the agent, giving my financial advisor a heads-up...

Now I am going to send some emails, do the dishes we didn't quite have time to do before leaving the house, and go to the gym.


Feb. 1st, 2016 10:32 pm
morbane: pohutukawa blossom and leaves (Default)
We are 95% moved. I need to poke my previous landlords about our bond. I showed up to my previous home on Saturday to let professional cleaners in; paint tins & paraphernalia were still everywhere, and I had a moment of absurdity and a glorious sense of Not My Problem. Now we have cleaned, and professional cleaners have cleaned, and nothing there is my problem. Note to self: send landlady a gift basket when this is all sorted. She was a pretty good landlady.

I'm feeling a bit anxious and overcommitted. One of the signs of this, to myself, is that I'm putting my hand up for as many things as I can. Yes. That is counterproductive. It's just, I don't know what it's like to not have commitments, I will always have commitments - and I hate the feeling of having unstructured time, with necessary but non-urgent tasks buzzing around my head like flies. When that happens, I panic. I turn in circles on the carpet. I'd rather have one urgent thing to do than five non-urgent things to do, even if the former claims sleep and social time. So stress means "go find something even more urgent to do, to quiet anxiety while your brain is focused".

So, maybe it was a bit silly to sidle up to J & L at A & H's housewarming party this weekend and say "So, your new campaign LARP, do you need a cook for that?" ...♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ but yesss: once again, I will get to go away for a weekend every six months again and COOK NON-STOP for a day and a half at a time, and hear the stories of LARPers, and be involved in their glorious festival of creativity!

I am so happy to get to do that again.

A & H's housewarming was nice and their house was MAGNIFICENT, and going from the Sunday round of house-hunting to that party was like going to the supermarket when you're really really hungry. H has expended SO much effort on her house. She is a super-talented super-hardworking person with a doctorate in drama and extensive experience in dramatic set design: her house looks phenomenal. Those houses in magazines? At least one of them exists. A & H live in it.

(meanwhile: I did not visit this house, but I am rather struck by the carpet in picture 7. Is it just me, or is it - entirely - decapitated giraffes?? You tell me.)


May. 14th, 2015 08:55 pm
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After a warm summer and an unusually mild autumn, the weather's come down on us. A lot of rain earlier this week and a frightening amount of rain today - at least in the northern suburbs, along the Kapiti Coast, and the Hutt Valley - mean that the highways in and out of the capital city have been intermittently closed, the railway lines are quite definitely closed [most underpasses to stations are awash!], many people's homes have been flooded, and transport is, overall, chaotic.

The office emptied gradually today as various people, concerned for their circumstances, left early. Some may not be able to return tomorrow.

A friend who can't get back to her home tonight will show up here soon. We have a spare room, though it's J's study most of the time.

And there sure is a downside to Wellington's few degrees of separation. Hopefully it is one of few deaths, but I have learned that a colleague's colleague's father died when he was washed away in floods today.'s liveblog
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Shipping, thinks Morbane. It's a thing. People seem to care about it. Good for them, they're having fun. I have my crack ships? I guess? But it's nothing to do with me.

Audiovisual canons, thinks Morbane. They are also a thing. Yeah, there's short stuff, like Danger 5, because Danger 5 is its own category, but I'm never really going to be fannish in an involved way about TV and movies. You have to watch things twice or more. The horror. No, I'm over in books and songs. They're my fannish happy place. I am content. I am thriving.

Then I go to see Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015), a Matthew Vaughn adaptation of a Mark Millar comic - hyperviolent action-comedy about spies, and about spy movies.

It is not the most thoughtful movie. Mine is not a general recommendation. It's funny, and, well, it's smart enough for me, and the action sequences are fun and engaging. But: it has got me - I am so unexpectedly in love with this thing - because in the middle of all this candy-corn fun there are mentors and protégés - MULTIPLE SETS EVEN - and they care about each other and sass each other and respect and trust each other -

I don't have words for how joyful this kind of narrative makes me.

A tangent - I'm particularly failing to find the right word to describe the rapport. 'Rapport' is the best I can do. I want to say Colin Firth's and Taron Egerton's characters have chemistry, but doesn't that have too much of a sexual overtone? I mean something platonic. Anyway, they have it. [I definitely ship them, but I'm happy shipping it because it's platonic in the movie. It's the intensity of trust and need - I find this so much easier to project into than a romantic narrative - or something. I don't entirely understand my own brain. The keyword is trust, I think.]

So Joel & Paul and I went to see it on Thursday night, and I floated around on Cloud Nine, and wheedled A & 20thcenturyvole into letting me see it with them on Sunday, and came home and wrote a short fic (it already has 300 hits and 40 kudos and 6 comment threads! What is this madness? Oh right, it's the magic of an active fandom. That and a few nice people who have read my stuff before).

I'm going to go see it again with krastakin & M & V tonight.

I may even buy the comics.

I'm just floating on this, I'm so happy. Puzzled, but so happy. I mean, I know it's not the best piece of media ever, it has a totally unnecessarily sexist twist at the end, it pretends to uphold the general dignity of man vs. class issues, but, um, not really in the slightest; well. It makes me happy.

Other things:
-I have been beta-ing things all month. Really really all month. I thought I had finished the last thing I had promised to do, but then krastakin asked me if I could look at her story when we were arranging Kingsman tickets today. I shall never be without something to beta and this is good for my soul. Well, bad for my writing output, but even so.

-Sam and I went to the Carter Observatory to look through the Thomas Cooke refractor at Jupiter, in opposition. Not far past sunset on a summer night wasn't the best viewing time - v. hazy - but I got to see three of the four Galilean moons, which I never had before, which made it worth the visit. The two astronomers on duty were very friendly and chatted about local societies & useful astronomy apps.

-I have a job interview next week for a job I really want. I'm delighted I made it to interview stage: I applied to work with this organization four years ago and I didn't make it this far at that time.

-Joel and I first moved in together 8 years ago! Wellington leases tend to follow the university semester, and everyone changes places in Jan/Feb. We don't do much for Valentine's Day as Valentine's Day; instead, it is the anniversary of the first time we woke up together in a house we both lived in. Will think of something Valentine-y to do for Sam.

-Also lost my wallet on Sunday - innocently dropped it into a shopping bag that had a giant hole in it - but I was full of happy feelings about Kingsman, so this was just a blip on the radar.

Finally: Crantz has opened sign-ups for Once Upon a Fic, a fanfic exchange based on fairy tales, tall tales, legends, ballads, mythology, and similar things. I've signed up! Currently we have 17 sign-ups and I think we're okay for matching, but the more the merrier.
morbane: pohutukawa blossom and leaves (Default)
Whoops, I did that thing again where I planned to make a big trip post - two, actually - and because I haven't carved out the time to sit down and write it up and embed pictures, I've not posted anything at all in the intervening time. Sorry.

Last weekend was the semiannual 33AR LARP session. Our cooking went well. I am continually in awe of my co-chef's baking talents. "Vegan cheesecake???" I said, occasionally with more question marks. And then I said, "this is amazing, this is delicious, please don't change anything, more please!"

LARP plots and LARP immersement are a curious thing. A full 33AR session runs from Friday evening to Sunday afternoon. On Saturday, there was an in-game incident I've reflected on a lot since. It reinforced my feelings of not wanting to LARP, but I feel I have a glimmer of what the participants got out of it.

There was a scene involving player characters and crew characters. The crew characters are bit parts; the crew go back to the crew room and swap out cultists' robes for soldiers' uniforms, and the next hour one might be a demon, and another might be someone's long-lost brother. Earlier in the day, some crew had been bandits and had "stolen" medical supplies from the players' Infirmary.

Then, the GMs sent some crew into the players' camp as traders, selling medical supplies. With limited props, the same physical item may need to represent a new item in game. Players will often have things taken and returned to them by circuitous means.

So these were "totally new medical supplies", but they were the players' kit. And one of the players didn't get the message about the status of the supplies. Thinking that the crew characters were brazenly re-selling what had been stolen, the player instigated a violent tussle scene, with knives; the trader defended himself; the trader's wife cried out in horror; another player reacted by "shooting" the trader's wife and then the trader. In barely a minute, two NPCs were "dead", and it very swiftly dawned on people that according to the information available to the characters within the world, our player characters had murdered innocent villagers.

(The GMs sent two more crew to be the traders' children and yell at the players that they DIDN'T WANT THE MONEY, THEY WANTED THEIR PARENTS BACK. Also to convey the information that the woman had been pregnant. Thanks for the knife-twisting, GMs.)

One of the players who was helping us with Saturday dinner prep explained the play-by-play. I felt rather squeamish. It seemed awful to me that this could have happened. Even just in a story. I'm invested in our player characters now - and Frank and Sophie had been playing Jack and Ivy for five sessions straight. And the way an out-of-character misunderstanding had led to an in-character debacle made me feel helpless.

What this meant, though, was that the central plot on Sunday was the involvement of distant but legitimate constabulary, Ivy's death by poisoning, the trial of Jack, and all the drama and fallout that that entailed.

Everything I've heard since about this, from players and GMs, has been celebratory: that for a while now, the 33AR characters have been veering away from their moral compass, and this was finally a chance to explore Consequences With a Capital C. It was worthy of celebration that Sunday's plot was purely player-generated, with only the lightest of following touches from the GMs. It was enriching. To me it seems like hell; to them, cathartic. Of course, when going through hell, keep going, out to the other side.

I'm still thinking about this. It was odd to witness.

Another big thing for me right now is that N is moving out. It's been coming for a while: she mentioned her intentions before we went on holiday, and has been flat hunting for weeks. Finally, last week, she closed in on a promising place. Her prospective landlady called me up:

"Would you say that N is tidy, reliable, and honest?"


"You sound hesitant."

"Uh, no, no I'm not. N is very reliable and honest. And tidy too." [moving into panicked babble stage.] "It's just that I'm the neat freak one in the house, you know? N definitely keeps things clean to a normal standard."

"Oh, right, I know what you mean. I'm difficult to live with too." [Embarrassed pause.] "Um, I didn't mean to imply you're hard to live with..."

[Ahah, the upper hand again!] "Oh, that's all right. No, I've known N for..." etc.

So she got the place, finding this out on Monday. It went out on Facebook before she confirmed it with me directly, and I reacted un-graciously. Finally we talked in person, and I managed to convey that I wasn't mad, and had no reason to be mad; I just had a lot of feelings about everything. This is what happens when your excellent and wonderful housemate of three years (and another non-contiguous year) moves out. Some emotional adjustment required.

I tend to tie myself up in knots about this kind of thing. I get upset about something and want reassurance and don't know how to reach out for it. Often I do so in prickly ways. I'm working on it. When I was a kid I had tonnes of temper tantrums. Obviously I learned to control them, but I think I also internalised the idea that anger is scary; if you are angry, you are at fault. I don't trust my anger. And coming to a tense conversation, and expecting the outcome of being told my negative feelings are unreasonable, is really scary; unfortunately that's a self-reinforcing pattern because it leads me to bottle things up, or justify them circuitously.

Eh. I'm rabbiting on about this partly because I find conflict management really interesting. I'm also happy to have words spilling out. I've written many stories over the last few months, but blog writing is such a different skill.

I'm sorry I've been commenting so little on your lives and adventures and interesting thoughts. I have been following along, a little. Yuletide is taking up so much space in my brain.

Other good things: my boyfriend has a job; I've had a good few days at work; the Medieval Reading Group session tonight went really well. I'm happy about my part in 33AR. Final session in March! I am in awe of these people.

I keep needling Joel to make a suggestion for his 30th. "If you want me to organise a surprise party, you're going to have to hint harder," I tell him. The dessert party last year was pretty neat. We'll think of something. It's just that large birthday parties in late December need to be planned well in advance. And not just because of my immersion in Yuletide, ha.
morbane: pohutukawa blossom and leaves (Default)
I'd be curious to know if this is the case for anyone else, but I find that just when I'm coming down with a cold or flu or whatnot, I'm also likely to have vivid dreams.

So today I have a sore throat and have just woken up from a nightmare about the Microsoft ribbon. (It was very emotional! This was a dream about trying to get a program to do things and only getting frustration & patronising/unhelpful tech support, dialled up a few notches.)

In other news, my flatmate successfully co-wrote and co-GMed a 60-person LARP, the local con flagship LARP, and I think this is awesome. Many people reported having an excellent time.

Further: Joel and I have flights, tickets, and accommodation for Dragon*Con 2014!


Jan. 15th, 2014 11:27 pm
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Tonight I visited one of my best friends. We cooked risotto and then went for a walk along the ridge line. In the early January of 2004, she and I visited Wellington. It was the first trip I'd ever made without a supervising adult. It was the summer after my last year of high school. I was seventeen and quite silly. We watched Love Actually. We chased cardboard boxes as the Wellington wind whipped them along the waterfront. I wrote a love letter to my boyfriend, put it inside an empty candy packet for earnest, in-jokey reasons… and then left the candy packet on a mall table by mistake. The tragedy!

I feel glad for the good people who were in my life then, and the good people who are in my life now. And oh, especially glad for those who both were and are.
morbane: pohutukawa blossom and leaves (Default)
Approximately a month ago, I asked Joel, He To Whom It Is Difficult To Give Presents, if for his birthday he would like me to construct some sort of very fancy ice-cream sundae, with all the bells and whistles, flake chocolate and caramel syrup imaginable.

"Ooh, let's do that for my birthday party," he said. "We can have a dessert bar."

Well, tomorrow is now the birthday party. I am still brainstorming.

-Things for ice-cream (like flakey chocolate, syrups, etc)
-Chocolate mousse
-Plain cake, possibly to be smashed into trifle
-Banoffee pie
-Or whole bananas to be caramelized with rum
-Frozen berries
-Strawberries dipped in chocolate

Do you have any ideas, excellent reading circle / friends-listers? Party is at 1pm tomorrow, I have the morning for cooking, I am a terrible baker so cake is the limit, am happy to buy *some* things pre-made.

-People will not eat all the ice-cream if they are provided with home-made chocolate mousse, banoffee pie, and Eton mess/ trifle. They will eat all of the prepared desserts.
-People will not eat all the ice-cream if we go overboard and provide six flavours of ice-cream.
-Rose syrup + ice cream + raspberries is very nice.
-Help. I suspect we will still be using up ice-cream several months from now. Unless we hold another similar party!

Well, we had fun. I did a little less hosting and a bit more partying than usual (I got to play two games of Scrabble and one game of Articulate). Then we watched Mel Brooks' "Silent Movie" over pizza - a good party movie, because it did not require all in attendance to sit down, shut up, and pay attention for the entire duration.

Must investigate Azz's idea of lemon bars for the future.
morbane: pohutukawa blossom and leaves (Default)
1. I have buried myself under Yuletide data entry and exchange assignments.

1a. All spare words are going to Exchange at Fic Corner or Jukebox.

1a. i. Fic Corner! Argh! All of the plots so plotted out. Not enough of the words.

1b. If you want to have a horse in this race, you should nominate fandoms for Yuletide this week. Try this link? I'm not sure of the correct URL because I have already nominated, which means it redirects me to my own nominations. The Yuletide Admin journal and the Yuletide community journal are the best place to go for information on this challenge.

2. It is the second-to-last day at my main job. I am not totally sure what I am doing here today. I feel disoriented. Tomorrow I will be feeling everything else. My feelings about this job are very complicated. I will post about that later.

3. 33AR is nearly here: the weekend of 27-28-29 September. 20thcenturyvole and I are well on our way with food planning. My flatmate has been making the most amazing props for a zombie dissection session. Every time I open the refrigerator there is a new iteration of a brain. (Gelatin, food colouring, cottage cheese...)

4. Jukebox IS going well and I have finished MY main assignment but I'm worrying a little over the number of days before the deadline and the number of assignments yet to be turned in. I can't help it. It's lucky there are so many other things to distract me.
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Last day in Sydney. Still tethered to internet. It is a fault of mine. In fact, Joel is currently teasing me by saying that I have to give it up when he returns from looking out the window, and he is shuffling towards me with tiny, tiny steps.

Found a great bookstore yesterday: Gould's Arcade, with several storeys, a cat, and that signature smell of old bindings. Off to a talk at Sydney Observatory tonight. There has been much walking. Also board games, because Paul. There is some sort of metric to apply to Paul's estimate of how long a board game will take, somewhere between "add 2 hours" and "multiply by 2.5". I estimated 8 hours for Twilight Imperium, and it took 11 (I wasn't complaining. I had internet. I wrangled Jukebox). Merchant of Venus took about 4. Warrior Knights took 4. Fury of Dracula took 3, and to be fair that was, as promised, the shortest. But Paul agreed to a couple of teaching games of Go, so.

Possibly my favourite moment so far: Paul, Joel and I strolled into a tiny Newtown room that wasn't sure if it was a living room, a cafe, or a bookstore - it was lined with books, the motorcycle in the middle was piled with books, and they served you cheese toasties if you asked. "This," said Paul, "is the kind of place where you should expect to find So You Want To Be A Wizard." There are reasons Paul is my good friend.

Also the Powerhouse Museum, an incredibly delicious lentil burger, a tour of Fort Denison (island + Martello tower and barracks), Joss Whedon's Much Ado About Nothing - and Paul and I attempted to swim in our hostel's swimming pool, which was outdoors and FREEZING. Joel waved the Sucker Punch art book in front of me at Galaxy Books, and then looked surprised when I took him up on his offer of buying it for me.

I have so much work to do on the plane. This is another fault of mine. I am really bad at drawing boundaries between separate areas of my life, like "leisure" and "work". I never go on holiday without taking projects along. I took homework on our honeymoon (well I HAD to! You try organising a wedding while you're a student). The last time Mum and I were on a trip together, we spent an entire morning working on university essays together. But Joel and I have certifiably relaxed for this week.

Signally failed to catch up with a long-term friend in Sydney, though, oops. Sorry, J. I didn't really think ABOUT this holiday until it happened.

OK, time to unclip the internet. (No, Joel has not been shuffling all this time.)


Jul. 30th, 2013 12:47 pm
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Today I walked into the library to see a small, A4 poster announcing a question and answer session for the following Tuesday with one of my favourite YA authors, Isobelle Carmody. Unfortunately, next Tuesday I will be in Sydney with Paul and Joel.

(I checked. She only has one Wellington appearance. Pffffargh.)

Also, I just spilled coffee gloriously all over my desk. At least it was instant-granules coffee.

My coworker P: "Oh, it'll be exciting doing laundry this week!"
Me: "Really?"
P: "Yes! I do the tea towels. I get to soak them!"

So it seems I am blessed to be in the presence of someone who gets genuinely excited about soaking tea towels in water to avert coffee staining.

(Bemusement aside, P's pretty all right.)

Everything else is pretty OK and I should do a longer post. Media recently consumed: Gattaca, The Tempest, Merchants of Venus (sic), Code Name Verity, and coming up in my future is a recording of a ballet of Beatrix Potter.

I'm excited for Jukebox. It seems that saying to people who ask me what I am doing lately, "I am running a writing challenge based on music" is a slightly better conversational offer than "uh, fanfic." Not that I've been doing much writing lately. But by the time we head off to Sydney, I should have my Fic Corner assignment, so I can make some inroads on that in quiet moments.
morbane: pohutukawa blossom and leaves (Default)
08:55 - get into office, put cup of coffee down, start computer, open up jEdit, Excel, Word, batchgeo, email, also #yulechat

09:00 - fire alarm gives off a single beep. No more. They do that all the time in testing. Poke head out door: all well.

09:06 - large earthquake, brief moment of thinking 'Is that construction? NO IT ISN'T' - library basement is apparently below main shielding?

(Earthquake was close, shallow, 5.7.)

09:08ish - fire alarm goes off for real, naturally, because there is now an acetylene gas cylinder fire in the library.

12:42 - back in the library working on the large project due TODAY. Argh!

(Good things: Haven't seen any reports of injury. Epicenter was in the Strait. It wasn't Christchurch. [Lately whenever I feel an earthquake, I worry that the epicenter is far away and the force there is correspondingly greater.])

(Other good things: They were actually able to tell us at 10:30 that we were unlikely to get back in until at least noon, so I walked down to the city and over to S/S/Z/F's flat. Everyone was home, somewhat to my surprise.

It was an interesting sensation, wandering around without wallet, keys, phone - without anything except a normal set of clothes, my office swipe pass, and a coffee cup. It made me miss the calling-card set-up I had when I first came to the city. That card was merely a set of numbers, the dialling of which allowed me to make calls from pay phones that were charged to my home account. I memorised the number, of course, and it made me feel weirdly powerful to walk out of the house with nothing and still have the ability to place a call with my own funds, by walking up to a machine and making it do things based on information I alone carried.

I abandoned that system when I got a cellphone. I still have my credit card number memorised, though.)

ETA: Finished Giant Project, emailed it to boss, and left office at 01:50.
Those last few hours of just Getting Stuff Done were great. That feeling has been absent in my usual jobs, and it felt so good just to see the goal and smoothly work through the steps towards it. As to the quality of the project, who can say, but I'm happy. What a long day.
morbane: pohutukawa blossom and leaves (Default)
Flat inspection today. The house is generally in a good state, but I use flat inspections for motivation to give the bedroom a serious clean. N and I enthused at each other when the landlady left: "come see my room, you can see the floor!" / "okay, then come see mine! I threw out that box I've had since we moved in!"

It is nice to have a property manager who cares, and a house that is not falling apart. N asked for thicker curtains because hers are not excellent at keeping heat in or blocking out the light from upstairs, and our landlady merely asked her to email her the window measurements.

In my giant tidy-up, I found a disk Dad made for me of all the old documents I used to have on my home computer. If I ever need proof I've improved as a writer, I can go back and re-read this:

Her long, thick, deep, silky red-brown hair cascaded past her feet, and her skin was a light golden hue. Her eyes were a shining, sparkling beryl green, shaded with long black eyelashes, and her nose was small and straight and did not tan. She could be described as lithe; she was tall and her body was slender and supple, with a small stomach and small bottom. In her were combined good parts of both her parents’ genes.

Oh darling, earnest, terrible, barely-teenage me. It... goes on... for pages... In fact, there are 45 pages in that document, and approximately half of them are lists of fantasy names, and the last scene of actual story involves my original characters from the fantasy world coming to visit my high school and dazzle everyone with their amazing psychic powers.

Well, some of the invented names aren't terrible. Waste not, want not.


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